After a few months of planning, I finally had the exploratory surgery to help discover why I am not conceiving. Yesterday, we traveled to Ft. Wayne, about 2 hours from my home to Parkview Medical Center. The hospital and staff were beyond kind, helpful and very professional. I would highly recommend this hospital to anyone. My surgery was scheduled for 1 pm, which meant an arrival time of 11 am. However, I waited an additional 5 hours due to an OR delay. My husband, who once insisted he was not religious and really not interested in praying, grabbed my hand and prayed so eloquently. He also waited these 5 hours, along with my mom and neither of them ate any food because they didn't want to leave me. Finally as the day came to an end, they wheeled me back into the operating room.
The last thing I remember before falling asleep was moving onto the tiny operating table. I awoke in the recovery room with Dr. Stroud there handing me a rosary. He told me that my diagnosis was severe endometriosis. He was not able to treat it and felt that sending me to the John Paul Institute in Omaha, Nebraska would be the best option for me. There, a doctor has been treating this for 30 years.
He told me that he did not want to take the chance of harming any of my organs. The endometriosis is behind my uterus and bowels. However, my ovaries, fallopian tubes and every other abdominal organ are perfectly healthy. The inside of my uterus had 2 small polyps, which he removed, but said was otherwise in perfect condition. This perfect state along with zero symptoms of any severe pain he says has to be a miracle. He was very shocked at the healthy state of everything.
I definitely cried when I heard the news. Mostly from fear of the unknown as this disease seems so unclear and doesn't seem to follow any certain rules. Some women get pregnant without problems yet others don't. Some suffer monthly from excruciating pain. Endometriosis does not have a cure and no specific causation has been proven, though many doctors believe it is something with which you are born.
With all of this news, I'm exhausted. I still have hope of becoming a mother. My husband holds my hand and tells me that he is very hopefully and we will get through this. How blessed I have been to not have pain and to have healthy reproductive organs. This makes me wonder if my own birth mother had this disease and was utterly surprised when she became pregnant.
I can either cry about this all day or be thankful that God has given me the many blessings of my life. He is not done with me yet. I have a cross to bear and perhaps I can share my journey and touch one other life, just one other girl like me who might feel hopeless in her plight for motherhood. With trust in Jesus, His plan for me is better than my own. His plan will lead me to Him.
So here I sit, the morning after, wondering what step to take. I couldn't sleep much because last night I was overfilled with joy and love for my friends and family. I wanted to tell them all that I am thankful for all their continued prayers and their kindness and love for me. I may be exhausted, but I am armed with hope.
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