Well, today started with a first for me! With a rosary in my pocket, I took a giant leap and had my wisdom teeth ripped out of my mouth under anesthia. I have never had a surgery before or let alone any drug stronger than Tylenol with Coedine. So, after a week and a half of pain, I took the plunge.
This is a big deal for me, because it was me letting go of control! I didn't want to take the risk of losing taste and sensation on the left side of my tongue and face, but I risked losing the molar in front of the sideways wisdom impacted tooth. Sigh. Ugh. Blah.
So what does this have to do with faith and my baby making journey? TONS! My cycle started last Friday and I needed to call my OBGYN to schedule my procedure to investigate what is going on in my baby making womb. Well, considering my mouth was a hot mess, I had to take care of that first. So that is pushed back to August or September. More waiting. I desperately want to know what's going on in that crazy uterus. More blind faith in God's plan. But can I do it without a temper tantrum?
Today also Jon and I had a Skype conversation with Mary, our adoption coordinator from Minnesota. It didn't go as planned because the video didn't work, but it was still a continued step. We meet with another social worker next week to get the final approval to begin the home study. And then the wait begins for a birth mother to accept the call to choose US as parents of her beloved child. Small Sigh but with great faith and hope!
This past week, I met a new nurse practitioner. We started discussing pain patients (my company) and then we made our way to mission trips in Africa. It turns out she is a missionary Christian and has been to Africa 6 times. She said something very profound to me. "After the last mission trip, I realized there are too many Fat Christians. We don't need to build up one another. We need to spread the Gospel to the hungry." She was frustrated because here on these missions where Christian churches stand in African communities, modern amenities such as running water and electricity are sparse. However, one community made provisions so that their pastor could have a computer. Just the pastor. His congregation wasn't just starving for electricity and food, but most importantly a leader that exemplifies Christ.
This got me thinking. I'm pretty fat. I need to be more charitable. While I have worked hard for everything I own, I simply haven't been as charitable I could be. Sometimes, I worry too much about what is right and though I want to stand up and LIVE a Catholic life, I can't get others to follow by telling them right vs. wrong.
While this woman isn't Catholic, she made an excellent point essential for sainthood. Every single one of us is called to sainthood. We can't get there with our fat selves. Disclaimer* This really doesn't have anything to do with weight, unless we have an addiction to food that prevents us from holiness!
So, I'm asking for help to challenge myself to get skinny and feed those that are starving for hope, love and fellowship. Those that have no idea that Christ is the answer and center to our desires.
At mass this week, Jon and I sat in a front pew, which helps me focus and block out any distractions. Father John gave a nice homily and asked the parish to pray for couples desiring to have a child. He said that within a year, these couples would be blessed with their own baby. I had to cry because I felt as though it was very appropriate for Jon and I. The beginning of the mass, I thought of Father Dan and how much I miss him still! But here before me is a great priest with comforting words!
As the gathering space cleared out after mass, Father Jon found me and pulled me aside. He asked to speak to me in private. He took my hand and said, "As we said the Gloria, my eyes found you and Jon. I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to pray for you. Then, as I said the homily, the Holy Spirit gave me the words to say. Jesus wants you to know that whatever is consuming you with worry, that you need not worry. It will be okay. Continue to cling to him. And I want you to know, I pray for you and Jon every day. Every single day."
I continue to be in awe of the grace and blessings that God sends me through these amazing priests. Father Jon had no idea of my struggles. I did tell him about my wisdom teeth, but he didn't know about my fertility issues. How very blessed am I with this humble priest from Africa that has only been with us for less than a month.
I pray he will show me even more how to become a more charitable Christian. This fertility journey is a challenge. This adoption journey is a challenge and both will continue to be greater challenges. Neither will be easy. I know this. It can bring fear. But instead of indulging in fear, Christ calls me to cling to Him and love Him more deeply. I am ever so grateful for my parish family. They pray for me, for our future family and they love me dearly. I pray to love them in return tenfold. I pray to strip myself of my fatty selfishness and love more. Give more. Pray more. Do more as a servant of Jesus Christ. I don't need to tell others how to be better Catholics. I just need to be one.
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